Silent Morning
I didn't sleep well last night. I lost my steam as my wife was working at the kitchen table on her resume updates. It was only 10:30, but the long, two day, workweek wad taken it's toll.
I awoke at about 1:30am the first time, to the sounds of discomfort coming from my daughters room. There is a certain cry that she makes when she cracks her eyes open in the middle of the night but does not come fully awake. Usually ten seconds of lightly tapping on her back with my palm, will lull her back to dreamland. As I am an old man, this session always ends with me taking a piss, and heading back to bed. I don't even mind these middle of the night moments with my daughter, as I would need to get up for the bathroom visit anyway. Though I will confess the most annoyed thoughts running through my head, when I first hear the cries coming from her room. (Oh, and damn my middle aged prostate and bladder, I used to be able to sleep 14 hours on the weekend, back when life was easier....)
The second incident occurred around 3:15 if my fuzzy head remembers correctly. Willa got up with a cry that indicated full wakefullness. This is usually accompanies by her standing at the side of her bed, and immediate recognition when her parents enter the room- "I'm up, do something with me!" I tried to pat her out again, but this only increased her cries to stress inducing level. I did all of my tricks, sometimes I can kill the cries by thumping her a little harder than the patting I am doing. My theory, is that thumping her quickly on the back interrupts her strong breath that she uses to cry, and makes her breath more carefully, distracting her from crying. This thumping is not strong enough to be painful, but does push some air out of her lungs. It actually sounds a little funny as her cries become a fun rrr,rrr,rrr,rrr,rrr sound that if she were in a good mood, would probably make her laugh.
I was not successful at getting my daughter to sleep, and eventually, when she wound up enough, I had to retreat back to the bedroom in defeat. I now know how discouraged my wife got when she found that Willa would not sleep for her, but wanted to stay awake, but when turned over to me, she would give up and sleep in a few moments. Amy had to get up and save the day. I'm guessing that she breastfed Willa until she fell asleep in the living room, as she did not come to bed for awhile. I feel bad making her get up, as she already handles the 6 am wakeup that Willa has been promoting lately. I try to take the night, and Amy takes the early mornings.
Even though I went back to bed, I could hear Willa's cries, and I did not sleep well. I dreamt a lot, dreams that remind me that I am once again coming to a change in my life. Usually theses somewhat familiar dreams keep to a few themes. Many times I am around a concert, but not working the concert, nor attending as a fan, but being backstage within the production, but not part of it. Also I am around a school or large hotel, wandering the halls, doing activities with a group that I will part from imminently. I also experience variations on jobs and or situations from my earlier life, that I have long moved on from. One of the popular situations is me being back at the Grand Rapids Press, working as I did in college, as a truck driver. Most of these dreams are not based on memory, but dream based on what I experienced before.
normally, I don't remember my dreams, I assume that I have them, but sleep is usually a refuge of darkness, and unless I am disturbed, I remember nothing of the night, waking rested and somewhat ready to take on the day. Last night, I was in a hotel and was attending a conference. I wound up near the end of the conference playing on a team with minor characters from my past, no true friends, but all people who I liked at some point in my life. We were playing floor hockey and the teamwork was fantastic. I was having a hero kind of day, where all of the things i decided to do, worked and scored points for the team. We even took a team picture to remember the great fun we had that afternoon. There is a bunch more that I can't relay here, as upon awakening I lost most of the fragments.
The other dream that I had involved Dave Pratt, my good friend that still owns a sound production company. I went from the hotel or school in my other dream, to a downtown that was not exactly downtown. I was with a group of people including Dave, that I led down hill to a rear door at something between the arena and the convention center. Dave was going to what I think was an Alice Cooper show, and I was trying to show them the backstage entrance. I realized that they were wanting to attend the show, and suddenly after trudging back up a long hill, it was an outdoor show, and the whole group sat on the hill, while I continued to wander through dreamland. I did a couple of more things, which are coming to me in pieces, but my ability to lucidly portray them is diminished from writing about all this.
I awoke at about 9:15 (thanks to the late night Willa issues she is sleeping in) this morning with the words "Safe Harbor" in my mind. I thought "what a strange phrase" yet it is both evocative and filled with meaning for me. I am not sure if this was one last salvo fired from the deep of my sub-conscious, but as I write this I feel like it may have been the deeper me reminding the workaday me to look to home for my comfort and strength. Amy and Willa, you are my safe harbor, the sun is rising, and it is time for the day to start.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Friday, July 06, 2007
A Slippery Slope
I don't understand the commutation of the sentence of Scooter Libby. I don't understand the quiet response to the actions of our president. It is like the people are just saying "well this sucks, but in two years he will be gone". It seems that our country is a group of citizens together living under an agreed upon set of laws. We can wrangle all day about the laws that are in place, but that is one of the strengths of the system, if laws are generally agreed upon as being wrong, then the whole of society can debate the laws and change them. The strength of this system is that no one person can decide to change what affects all of society.
When one person can change the laws to suit their needs, however lofty and high minded the goal, this is still tyranny, or despotism or any of the other terms you hear applied to rulers who make their own laws. Yes, as leader President Bush has some power to commute the sentences of those that are considered wronged by our justice system. Scooter Libby was not wronged, he was convicted by a Grand Jury, and had all of the strength of our legal system to pursue appeals. I would argue that with superior representation he had a higher than average chance at success for his appeal, if in fact he was wrongfully convicted. President Bush, by stepping in and helping his former employee, has declared that he is above the law, and that our legal system does not apply to his administration.
This stance nullifies any attempt by him, now and in the future, to speak about our legal system. or to campaign for those that are "tough on crime". This action has, more than any other, shown that we are living under a tyrannical regime, that we mistakenly elected, and that all citizens should speak out about whether this is the way we want our leaders to act. Perhaps two more years of this administration it too long...
I don't understand the commutation of the sentence of Scooter Libby. I don't understand the quiet response to the actions of our president. It is like the people are just saying "well this sucks, but in two years he will be gone". It seems that our country is a group of citizens together living under an agreed upon set of laws. We can wrangle all day about the laws that are in place, but that is one of the strengths of the system, if laws are generally agreed upon as being wrong, then the whole of society can debate the laws and change them. The strength of this system is that no one person can decide to change what affects all of society.
When one person can change the laws to suit their needs, however lofty and high minded the goal, this is still tyranny, or despotism or any of the other terms you hear applied to rulers who make their own laws. Yes, as leader President Bush has some power to commute the sentences of those that are considered wronged by our justice system. Scooter Libby was not wronged, he was convicted by a Grand Jury, and had all of the strength of our legal system to pursue appeals. I would argue that with superior representation he had a higher than average chance at success for his appeal, if in fact he was wrongfully convicted. President Bush, by stepping in and helping his former employee, has declared that he is above the law, and that our legal system does not apply to his administration.
This stance nullifies any attempt by him, now and in the future, to speak about our legal system. or to campaign for those that are "tough on crime". This action has, more than any other, shown that we are living under a tyrannical regime, that we mistakenly elected, and that all citizens should speak out about whether this is the way we want our leaders to act. Perhaps two more years of this administration it too long...
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
The Riverfront
The other evening my wife and I, with kid in tow, rode our bikes around downtown. It was one of those amazing evenings where it seems to get quiet, and the sunset seems to hang in the air for several hours, until finally fading into purple twilight.
It was a magical evening, where the colors seem more saturated, and it feels like you can pedal all night, because you are on an adventure. No one is worried about bedtimes, or getting up for work. (Although, I admit to a little concern when after running through a puddle I skunk striped my daughter riding in the bike trailer behind me.)
The river front is an odd place in Grand Rapids. The focus of a considerable effort at redevelopment, it is a sparkling (unfinished) gem, that is becoming a highlight to our downtown redevelopment. Part of the odd, is that it is discontinuous. My wife and I started at Riverside park (toward the north end of the city), and we rode the bike trail south only to find that the well-paved trail out of the park ended within one block. Suddenly we were dodging traffic for about half a mile trying to find where the river edge paths began again.
We found that the path next to the river only exists once you get downtown, and once you rejoin the path, you can look north and see clearly where the path peters out into brush, and where the future of the growth will occur. Much of future path may occupy some unused train tracks upon which the Grand Rapids Press used to receive train cars of paper for production of the daily editions.
Once we rejoined the path we made our way to the Sixth Street Park, where we took out sandwiches for dinner, and let our daughter play on the playground equipment. Our daughter is becoming a real daredevil, and I was impressed by how excited she became while riding on the big slide in the park. she absolutely had to go again and again. If Daddy stopped for a moment to take a bite of dinner, she would stand at the bottom of the steps and point up waiting for a boost. Climbing would just slow down the arrival of the slide, so Daddy had to keep lifting her up to the top of the slide.
After our daughter had her fill of the slide, we continued south to the fishladder area. Another odd thing that I noticed, is that while the many were off eating dinner at this time, there is a whole different part of society, that may be trying to catch a dinner that could not be afforded any other way. Each evening there is a gathering of people that fish from the rapids south of the fish ladder. In my youth I remember grizzled older fisherman types with specialized equipment and boxes full of magical lures. In my youth almost all of thees fishermen were white. In contrast to our almost all white downtown partiers and bar-goers, most of the folks at the side of the river, are either African American, or Latino. I wonder why this is?
Is fishing in the modern age experiencing growth in the African American and Latino communities? I don't read the fishing magazines, but it could be that there is a massive ad campaign on in these communities... Is it because, the Latin and African communities experience the worst of the economic woes that seem to grip all of Michigan? Are fish caught, saving money over fish bought? Is it because grizzled old white fishermen are uncomfortable with the community of fishers at the edge to the river these days?
I will admit some trepidation, when I got to the post office and found that I could not maneuver my bike through the path without asking some people to move fishing poles to accommodate our wide bike trailer. I expected some grumbling, but was surprised when several people asked about the trailer, one gentleman being quite surprised at both the small price I paid for it, and that I got the trailer at Wal-Mart. As we pedaled away I heard the man saying that now he and his wife might be able to bring his daughter with them to the river for bike rides.
We also crossed the pedestrian bridge and decide to see the Gerald Ford burial site. We were surprised again to find a brand new fence and gate in front of the burial site, and that with the guards standing near the front doors, we felt like perhaps we were not supposed to be on the grounds at that time of the day. The guard did not say anything, rather just conspicuously being present to keep us from suddenly taking out spray cans and spraying graffiti on the museum... I look so dangerous in my golf shirt ya know!
We saw the union monument that we did not know was placed by the Ford museum this spring. It is a nice monument, and I am glad it is there. I have had some dealings with union folks through my work f late, and they tend to be more philanthropic than many of the large rich givers in Grand Rapids (if taken as a percentage of income). So it was nice to see the workers of America represented in the memorial. I didn't look closely, but I hope that the unions remembered the one near and ear to me: IATSE (the invisible folks in black clothes that make all of the theatre and concert events in Grand Rapids happen).
We saw the south end of the path down by Kinkos, and found that the construction of the new hotel has closed the east side path, forcing us into traffic once again. We made the turn heading north again, where the fisher-folk needed to once again move equipment to let us pass. The ride back was quicker, as the light was fading, and we as parents don't ride in the dark. I hope that everyone caught their limit that evening, and that if they were fishing for need, that their needs are met soon by a better economy in Michigan. I think that this is not our last ride to downtown, though it is easier to stay in the park. Don't let the difficulties to the logistics of the ride stop you from experiencing the best that downtown has to offer. And the Dan Gaydou at the Press: I hope that you will help turn the path of your success into a path for all of Grand Rapids to enjoy. A path all the way to Riverside park is needed, and would be enjoyed by may of our citizens!
The other evening my wife and I, with kid in tow, rode our bikes around downtown. It was one of those amazing evenings where it seems to get quiet, and the sunset seems to hang in the air for several hours, until finally fading into purple twilight.
It was a magical evening, where the colors seem more saturated, and it feels like you can pedal all night, because you are on an adventure. No one is worried about bedtimes, or getting up for work. (Although, I admit to a little concern when after running through a puddle I skunk striped my daughter riding in the bike trailer behind me.)
The river front is an odd place in Grand Rapids. The focus of a considerable effort at redevelopment, it is a sparkling (unfinished) gem, that is becoming a highlight to our downtown redevelopment. Part of the odd, is that it is discontinuous. My wife and I started at Riverside park (toward the north end of the city), and we rode the bike trail south only to find that the well-paved trail out of the park ended within one block. Suddenly we were dodging traffic for about half a mile trying to find where the river edge paths began again.
We found that the path next to the river only exists once you get downtown, and once you rejoin the path, you can look north and see clearly where the path peters out into brush, and where the future of the growth will occur. Much of future path may occupy some unused train tracks upon which the Grand Rapids Press used to receive train cars of paper for production of the daily editions.
Once we rejoined the path we made our way to the Sixth Street Park, where we took out sandwiches for dinner, and let our daughter play on the playground equipment. Our daughter is becoming a real daredevil, and I was impressed by how excited she became while riding on the big slide in the park. she absolutely had to go again and again. If Daddy stopped for a moment to take a bite of dinner, she would stand at the bottom of the steps and point up waiting for a boost. Climbing would just slow down the arrival of the slide, so Daddy had to keep lifting her up to the top of the slide.
After our daughter had her fill of the slide, we continued south to the fishladder area. Another odd thing that I noticed, is that while the many were off eating dinner at this time, there is a whole different part of society, that may be trying to catch a dinner that could not be afforded any other way. Each evening there is a gathering of people that fish from the rapids south of the fish ladder. In my youth I remember grizzled older fisherman types with specialized equipment and boxes full of magical lures. In my youth almost all of thees fishermen were white. In contrast to our almost all white downtown partiers and bar-goers, most of the folks at the side of the river, are either African American, or Latino. I wonder why this is?
Is fishing in the modern age experiencing growth in the African American and Latino communities? I don't read the fishing magazines, but it could be that there is a massive ad campaign on in these communities... Is it because, the Latin and African communities experience the worst of the economic woes that seem to grip all of Michigan? Are fish caught, saving money over fish bought? Is it because grizzled old white fishermen are uncomfortable with the community of fishers at the edge to the river these days?
I will admit some trepidation, when I got to the post office and found that I could not maneuver my bike through the path without asking some people to move fishing poles to accommodate our wide bike trailer. I expected some grumbling, but was surprised when several people asked about the trailer, one gentleman being quite surprised at both the small price I paid for it, and that I got the trailer at Wal-Mart. As we pedaled away I heard the man saying that now he and his wife might be able to bring his daughter with them to the river for bike rides.
We also crossed the pedestrian bridge and decide to see the Gerald Ford burial site. We were surprised again to find a brand new fence and gate in front of the burial site, and that with the guards standing near the front doors, we felt like perhaps we were not supposed to be on the grounds at that time of the day. The guard did not say anything, rather just conspicuously being present to keep us from suddenly taking out spray cans and spraying graffiti on the museum... I look so dangerous in my golf shirt ya know!
We saw the union monument that we did not know was placed by the Ford museum this spring. It is a nice monument, and I am glad it is there. I have had some dealings with union folks through my work f late, and they tend to be more philanthropic than many of the large rich givers in Grand Rapids (if taken as a percentage of income). So it was nice to see the workers of America represented in the memorial. I didn't look closely, but I hope that the unions remembered the one near and ear to me: IATSE (the invisible folks in black clothes that make all of the theatre and concert events in Grand Rapids happen).
We saw the south end of the path down by Kinkos, and found that the construction of the new hotel has closed the east side path, forcing us into traffic once again. We made the turn heading north again, where the fisher-folk needed to once again move equipment to let us pass. The ride back was quicker, as the light was fading, and we as parents don't ride in the dark. I hope that everyone caught their limit that evening, and that if they were fishing for need, that their needs are met soon by a better economy in Michigan. I think that this is not our last ride to downtown, though it is easier to stay in the park. Don't let the difficulties to the logistics of the ride stop you from experiencing the best that downtown has to offer. And the Dan Gaydou at the Press: I hope that you will help turn the path of your success into a path for all of Grand Rapids to enjoy. A path all the way to Riverside park is needed, and would be enjoyed by may of our citizens!
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