some things just suck!

I am laying on the couch because on top of the cruddy cold that I caught as I was wrapping up to go on vacation, I got what I think is a little minor case of food poisoning yesterday. i think the thing that kept me from growing into a full blown case of food poisoning, was that I got a fairly significant dose of antibiotics from my doctor to treat my reoccuring crud. Amy Willa and I will have super immunity soon, as Willa has given us every bug that has passed through daycare...

I have been laying on the couch watching silly tv with my laptop on my laptop and one dog on my legs wishing my wife was napping on the other end of a slightly larger couch. It is amazing how our dreams change! I used to want to be Bon Jovi, now I just want my wife to finally get as much sleep as I ...
Due to my sickness, Amy has had to take on a bunch of what are my tasks around the house, and right now Willa is not sleeping throught the night, so my hat is off for my wife, and what she has been able to get done in spite of everything...

It is amazing what a couple of days can do...

My last post was not very upbeat. I did not feel a sense of success with my child. My wife had been feeling overwhelmed and I was having trouble supporting her and the baby at night with all of the sleeplessness the baby has put us through...

Well it is amazing what a few well timed smiles will do for a person. My daughter clearly loves me, though I am still not the person she wants at the side of her crib at 3am. Several times this week, she has been annoyed at something, and then she will turn towards me and shoot me a smile that says "gosh I love you", as well as "look at how I have you both wrapped around my finger".

She is developing a personality very quickly, and she is definitely a force of nature. We have been rejoicing about our easy-going baby, but she will peel the paint with her yelling if she feels irritated.

So the story continues, and I learn new things every day!

So we are in the slow season, or the fast season right now depending on your perspective. There is only four (?) weeks left until Christmas so only a couple of weeks of work until a well earned break. My boss left the company, so we are all a little in limbo right now waiting to see how the next few weeks will come out. I have let stress overwhelm me, and I am hoping that getting back to the office after a few days off for Thanksgiving will let me focus on the end of the year, and how to pull some of the pressure off for 2007.

It is a weird thing to go to the office to de-stress, but I know what needs doing here. At home lately, I feel a little helpless. My wife needs me to help curb her stress, and with the baby I don't feel like I get a lot of success. The truth is, when the baby needs comforting, she is looking for her mom for that special brand of soothing. I feel like the ogre that only causes more stress. The baby knows that I can't help her, so she only cries more until her mom comes to the rescue. How is that for useless. My kind of help is going to the kitchen and doing the dishes, or throwing another load of laundry in, or picking up food and bringing it home (yeah the stereotype of the hunter-gatherer).

I do wonder if these experiences are a common thread in why fathers "check out" in raising children. At work a man feels like he is somewhat in control and at least knows the rules of success. At home it seems like success in one area like helping his wife, is rewarded with a screaming baby that he cannot calm down. These are just thoughts, and not very organised at that...

It seems like the hardest thing about the writing process is controlling all of the braches on the tree of thoughts. You start somewhere and then a new thought occurs, and wants to pull yopu in a new direction, sorry dear readers if my writing is hard to follow, I know I tend to skip rapidly to and fro as my jumbled words get out. To one reader in particular, sorry to air my inner dialog when it is hard to read, know that I try everyday to find the best path and keep myself on it, my life is your life and our life is our family. I love you JT->APT

OK, So I got what I wanted, America spoke, and now the Dems have control for two years. I hope that the race for majority leader is not an example of how they(we) are going to act for the next little while. Nancy Pelosi is voted in as speaker, and she immediately nominates her buddy, that everyone dislikes, to the position of majority leader. Then the Dems vote her opponent in as leader. What a fractured caucas we present when questing for power.

My wife has been documenting our respective colds on her blog, man daycare has been trying to kill me! This last sentence may seem disjointed, but I am sure that in addition to the financial havok that daycare wreaks, I think they are smuggling GERMS home inside my BABY! Who does that? I say find another mule for your germ trafficing!~

I have been sick four times this fall, with three courses of different antibiotics, and several other decongestants, antihistamins, antacids, asthma remedies, antimalarials, anti abortion activists, and anti-whatevers. I think I am out at least a hundred bucks, and super thankful for my modern health insurance. I don't know how we survived the middle ages, what with all of the daycare centers spreading the plague home with all of the babies!

And yet we tolerate the dog licking our babies face occasionally...

My wife gave me some great wisdom last night...

She told me that my last post may have been unwelcome if read by the wrong person, and that I had left myself open to being Googled. I was aware of this possibility when I started, but also do not want to be slapped by my words at an inopportune moment. Keeping this in mind I have committed the Lucas sin (George Lucas of course). The Lucas sin being that of revision. I have taken references to my latest job out of the Blog. Those of you that stumble across this will probably be able to tell what I am talking about, if you indeed know me and my history, but for the casual reader I will keep my current situation somewhat private. This one act making me a hypocrite, as I usally stand by my words and rail against those that are overcareful in the name of possibly future civil action. I guess there is being careful, and there is being paranoid, I will use a little care.

I did not think this blog might be my place to rant, but if it is in my mind and I feel like it should be on the page, I will go ahead and set it there and let the readers decide what is compelling and what is just dreck. (Do I have readers? I will buy a beer to any that tell me they are out there, though I may have to ship a beer to those far away)... SO dear reader with only a few days away from the midterm elections, I will return to my desk and work a bit, hoping that those in charge are concentrating on governing rather than the last minute attack ads.

Am I being clear?

This is my question for the ether... Mostly I try to speak plainly and mean what I say, but over and over I find that my words are not taken the way I mean for them to be. In my mind I am a fairly happy-go-lucky person that gets things done without being overbearing.

But lately I feel like i need to reasses this inner vision of myself. Several of my coworkers find me to be a little pushy or even a bully. Can this be true, the guy that just wanted to be everyones friend is a bully in disguise? Many of the things that were taught during my years in school seem to have changed. I alway felt like I was plugged in, and pretty hip to trends. Lately it seems many of the traits that were seen as good leadership skills, are now seen to be pushy in a work situation.

Perhaps I have always had a problem with subtlety, and the world has gotten better at manipulation and petty games. I don't enjoy gossip or meaness at work. I feel that we are already spending too much time in our chosen roles, why mess things up further by having a bad attitude about your co workers. I have never met anyone that was such a bad person that I have felt the need to make him or her look worse behind their back. Usually the grain seperates from the chaff in the end (as someone like my grandfather once said...)

So where am I missing out, why do several people in this organisation talk behind my back, or see me as a thret to them? Some of the issues I understand in retrospect... The person doing fundraising while on probation will always see a new fundraiser in the office as a threat. But as I observed above, that person is gone now, to a less stressful place, and here are the rest of us dealing with the fallout.

This blog is becoming my avenue to put down all of this stuff, and view it later for clarity. Hopefully the readers of these words will find some use in the ramblings of my thoughts. I like my wifes blog as a reader, because she does not tackle the big stuff, but so far gives little vignettes of her day in a short paragraph of two. I aspire to that sort of brevity and high level of communication. If you are curious about my darling and her clear thinking mind check out www.blancodesinki.blogspot.com

Ok away with morose thoughts of everyone disliking me and such things. the chief offender just walked into the building...

Wow it has been 18 days!

The time slips by, catching us all unawares. Since my last post I have seen several milestones. I turned 39 on the 15th of October, my daughter has broken two teeth and almost crawls, my wife and daughter and I have gotten sick and (mostly) recovered from Pinkeye. (In truth Amy and Willa got pink eye, I got an ear infection. Amy also got bronkitis and a sinus infection...) Our good friend Jenny and Joe had thier new baby Julia Lea yesterday, and we got to see her looking at us with her big dark eyes, her natty black hair, and her super fun cone head!

The United States surpasses 300 million people within these last weeks, and I thought we were one of the countries that was not growing that fast. It is weird hearing about all of the different views on growth. In some parts of the world there are governemtn incentives for growing families, in others, more than one of two children are against the law.
I noticed the Roe-V.-Wade issues is rising to the top of public mind again. One state is trying to make abortion illegal this political cycle, and both sides of the issue are pouring dollars into the fight over this volatile issue. In the last weeks of our local Michigan gubenatorial campaign, the issue has come out in the mudslinging trash talk of each side as well.

Why are we not examining the social issues that surround this? It seems like if the right to life folks and the planned parenthood folks put some of this "education campaign" money towards schools, womens issues, and taking care of unplanned or unwanted children, that the abortion option might seem less like an easy decision. I go back and forth on this issue, and feel like we can not move forward with the extreme polarisation that has happened to this issue.

I admire in some ways the entrenched ideas of the Catholic church, that birth control might be a sin. They definitely lay out what is right in thier minds and take a stand. As a sinner, I can't tell how my actions might be perceived by the higher power. But humans will have sex, this seems to be a pretty basic hardwired urge. I don't think that it helps the debate to put sex into one little box that it is for creation only. Tell me all you Catholics, that you don't also enjoy it when you are not specifically trying to get with child!

So if humans will have sex, does it not seem smarter to look at making sure that men and women are taking the proper care of their partners? I will go on record saying that I had sex while I was single, I enjoyed it, but I also was careful to pick partners that I would be willing to help raise a child with, if that was the case!

I am the luckiest man in the world, as I did find the one right woman to be with forever, and had an amazing child, which we will both raise to respect herself, and feel good about herself, so that she will hopefully make great choices in her partners as well. End of story, the rest is taking care of each other, making good choices, and supporting outcomes that are unexpected. Believe me, if my daughter conceived outside of marriage, I would still support her 100%, and not make her feel like she did something wrong in loving the person she chose to be with.

An open letter to President Bush.

Dear President Bush,

I seek today to try and make sense of conflict between the American peoples. I, like many Americans an stuck somewhere between respect for the president and the leadership of our elected officials, and the truth that my heart tells me. Respectfully, I feel that we are wasting American lives and the reputation of Americans everywhere by the conduct and actions exhibited in the Iraq war. The little that I witness of world opinion tells me that we are being seen as increasingly religious fanatics in the face of Islam. I feel that our actions and conduct during this time of crisis, have not given the world a reason to admire us.

I think that the governments treatment of its' own citizenry has led to a further diminishing of our reputation on the world stage. In my mind the presidency, as with any other elected office, is bound to the will of the people. The office exists to make sure that every citizen is treated fairly, and to respond to the will of the people. It is pretty evident that you are acting counter to the opinion of the majority in this country.

I feel that many times government officials have access to a much larger pool of knowledge that the average citizen. This may lead to the government trying to protect its' people from themselves, with the reasoning that the person who knows the most needs to protect the rest. The problem with this line of thought is that now you are acting outside the dictates of the larger constituency. If the country needs to act, the government needs to be totally transparent, and bring the issues to light, so that all of the citizens can stand behind our leaders decisions.

Iraq is a mess, we all know this. The citizenry awaits you, we will stand behind sound decisions. Let us come up with a solution. Talking about the terrorists changing if we publicize our plans is a high school solution at best. It sounds rather like you have no plan at all. Hardly evokes a reputation for strong leadership. If we have a sound plan, the world will know that we are united, and we will see the respect that our country has earned as it leads the world in the quest for freedom.

We as a country need to get back to the unassailable high ground that we once claimed. This is not a moral high ground based upon the religious ideas of a few, rather this is the imperative that we show the world what is intrinsically right, and that we light the path for others to follow. The only way for us to do this is to commit to what we know is best for everyone, tell the world what we believe, live up to our own measure of rightness, and bring to light those that do harm in the name of personal power and gain.

Right now the world feels like you sir are one of those persons. You, more than anyone need to set the example. Yours is not a case where history will vindicate your decisions. Unfortunately due to the vast power of the modern communications, your message is skewed to make you look bad on the world stage today, and you need to begin to understand how your message comes across. I am sure you are a humble man with a great love for family, nation and God. But you look like a bully to the world, and you need to explain in a more effective way why our country is acting like a dictatorship.

Every small act that you do every day, every footstep that you make is seen on the national stage. Right now it looks like you are a rogue leader. Listen to the will of the people, show transparency in your decisions, plan for success instead of talking about it. Maybe even fire some of the jackasses that whisper ideas to you, that you know are not right. Stop doing secret things beyond the oversight of the people and the world community. Bring back the reputation that America is a leader because we are doing what is best for all of the people. It is harder to do this publicly, but we are America, we do not shirk away from hard problems. We have allowed you to lead, do so with grace and courage, if we are doing what is right, your legacy is assured.

Regards,
James Taylor

Quod incepimus conficiemus.
I admire the folks out there blogging away.

Most of the blogs I see are either very well written and thought out reflections or what everyone sees, the myspace "hey I got laid yesterday", or the "hey world I am so depressed that I got dumped, but I don't need a man" blogs.
It is funny the capability that humans have of either being profound or profane. In the end I think this is humanity shouting to the heavens "hey everyone, this is me!" You can be the idealized version of yourself online, either the thoughtful intellect, or the nineteen year old party girl. I must confess, that I am much more scattered in mind, than might show here. I am a multitasker, as I sit here and type this, I am also thinking of verbage to put into a proposal to a company on behalf of my employer. Though thinking about my other blogs so far, you may very well see the scatterbrained person that is inside me!

It is hard to do this, everytime I write I come up with errant thoughts that I wish to explore, but unless I sit and do this, they will never see the light of day...

Let's go to politics... Granholm vs. DeVos, I am voting for Jennifer this fall, but I think that many who support DeVos have good points. He knows how to run a business, though my wife points out that the State of Michigan is it's people and business has turned to some extent away from being about its people and toward profit at any costs. I think that the republican point of view is that government should not interfere with the peoples lives more than necessary. This to me is their best argument. I agree that the government should stay as much as possible out of my life and pocketbook. But what about my bad behaviors? If there were no government representatives on the highway, would I speed much more than I might already? Would I poop in my neighbors well just because it is a convenient spot? Would my company spill terrible chemicals into the ground, because I could get a better return if I did not have to pay to get rid of toxins?

I think that we all live under a set of agreed behaviors, this is what we call civilization. The role of the government is to see that the rules are fair to all, and that all abide by the agreements made. Here is where government differs from business. Business, by its very nature is competitive. Driven to out-perform its competitors, business looks at everything within the framework of profit. Business will not employ a single person unless they contribute what is needed to make the desired profit. So by its nature business is not about it's people.

The best response to this is that people should not work for a company that treats them worse than average. But the problem, is that due to circumstances, people must endure jobs that are worse than average, in many cases far worse.

Government is supposed to be fair to all people. Business by its nature is seldom fair, so by this line of reason, we should be careful when electing a business person to office. This, of course, is only one line of thinking and the world is seldom so simple. But things can be reduced from large to small to help digest the issues.

I would not elect Dick Devos, simply because his wife has a history of super-conservatism with the republican party. I have noticed that Betsy DeVos has barely been mentioned in this campaign. Mostly I think because the mention of her name enflames the national democratic organizers so much, that it is better to keep her in the background.

As an aside, on the role of vouchers in the school system. I think that even if someone takes their children out of the public school system, everyone should contribute to the public system, as this is the only way to be fair. A private school education may give an advantage to its users, but this should be an additional expense to its users. The private schools are private for a reason, and do not benefit from the oversight of the public schools. By this measure, vouchers are unfair to the public as a whole, and therefore should not be a government program. (steps off his soapbox). To me this is an indication that the DeVos family would be likely to support legislation that gives an advantage to people similar to them...

Wow, I am getting out there and public with some private thoughts. I welcome your comments on my thoughts, and hope that a few people are reading... Let me know if you are checking this blog out!

The Big move...

As my prior entry spoke of, I got married last year and while preparing for the wedding my wife and I agreed to look at different employment. I was working for Michigan International Speedway (which I mis-spelled in my last post), and felt like I was not contributing to humanity or society.

For some perspective, my wife works in non profit, and has mostly held jobs that were either non-profit, or in the field of helping people. I on the other hand have always worked for national corporations. As our relationship grew, I realized that my wife had a grounded perspective that I had missed since leaving school. As we talked the idea of working for a non-profit began to take root in my mind.

At some point in my job search I found an ad for my present position with. It was perfect, a job that was a new title, but doing similar things that I was used to. My non profit interviewers needed a fundraiser that could work with major corporations and develop sponsorship concepts for companies. This was what my job description essentially was at MIS (The Speedway). So now I am at: (DELETED). New acronym, same type of job. The difference being that I am now able to help a population that is actively marginalised by most of society (without being too PC, how many of you out there have called someone a retard some time in their life...).

So fulfillment has come in the form of bettering society in my own small way, being married to an intelligent beautiful woman, and having a smiley wonderful baby in the house.

To get back to the beginning of my PRIOR post. If we lift up the smallest, we are all greater for it. This is one of the bedrock basis of my beliefs. I feel that America has become one large nation of people scared of the bogeyman, and hiding under the umbrella of their own fears magnified by the convenient cause of TERRORISM. We no longer lift anything up, rather we cover our own arses, hoping that we are not involved in the "next incident".

I think that If you follow some of the good reverend Frederick Woodens latest blogs, you see the opinion that our brothers in the mid-east are not the easy devils that we make them out to be, but rather they are more like us than we are comfortable seeing. And if we come out from under the umbrella of fear, we might see that there are always reasons for old hatred and conflict, and that it is time to get to know them.

I challenge myself and all that stumble across these words to adopt an old Special Olympics Catch-phrase and "Inspire Greatness". Lift up those that are small, that we may all be great.

Peace.

We must lift the smallest, so that all may be great.

This was a line in the sermon yesterday at Fountain street church. Our pastor is W. Frederick Wooden, whoose blogs "Aside from the Obvious" and "Ranting Rev" you will find on this Blogspot site. This line resonated with me on many levels. I am currently Director of Development for Special Olympics Michigan. This means that I raise money for our oganisation, while hopefully directing the organisation in a meaningful way, to utilize these funds in smart ways. I will take a sidetrack and say that for the most part Special Olympics is really good about being smart with its spending, most of the monies raised go directly to the programs which we put on. Our cost to raise a dollar is lower than most nonprofit companies at around twenty five cents. The reason that I hold my current position, is my lovely wife Amy. Last year, as we were planning my wedding, I was employed by ISC Corp, at Michigan National Speedway. ISC is owned by the France Family. For those of you whose lightbulbs did not go off, The France Family is the owner and operator of NASCAR. The original redneck billionaires, whose reach gets wider, and stronger each year.

Anyhow, I was good at my job. I was a Corporate Partnerships executive. This means that I spoke with corporations about the benefits of spending money on NASCAR. And lo the benefits are large, so large that I never had to sell anything. NASCAR today is so huge, that the benefits of dealing with it are well documented. Many negotiations have been finalized with "well your competitor is interested in this package, if they sign before you, you will get locked out of NASCAR". The monies involved are staggering, in the Billions, larger in fact than the gross domestic profit of over thirty percent of the small countries in the world!

In may ways I am lucky to have met my wife. She is a great person, full of the fire of life, and a sense of goodness that is not regularly found today. In her own quiet and kind way she forced me to realize that all I was doing for the world, was lining a very rich few persons pockets. As I began to ponder this, and with my upcoming nuptials, I decided to make a change.
I think I will break off and continue this post later, as I have realised that a lot of writing ideas are again flooding my head, and interfering with the actual writing. Next Up: How I cam to the Special Olympics, and changes in my outlook...

Wow, I didn't realize that the commitment to speak would be such a guilt-inducing pastime. It has been almost a week, and no second blog from me. The hard part is coming up with a coherent storyline. I could speak for hours on any number of subjects, but they would seem very stream of conciousnees to most people. Having lots of opinions and the will to write, means to me, that I owe it to my readers (assuming that I gain some) to be concise and have a reason for writing. If not, then all I am doing is rehashing what spins around in my brain all day. And I feel no need to do that. So, to the point here is a very short synopsys of the topics that are floating around in my head this fall of 2006:
1. The political arena:
I have increasingly felt that I need to involve myself in the process of governing society, I see many things happening that distress me
and I feel that we need to set a new course in how we as Michiganders, and as Americans relate to the rest of humanity.
2. My personal situation:
I have spoken with my wife AMY, and agreed that certain parts of our relationship are off limits here in the vast ether. But I do
have certain universal moments to explore
3. The nature of religion.
As a modern man, I have conflicting feeling about the role that religion plays in society, and have not decided about how much to explore
these issues publicly... (wow lots of the big questions, how much do we show our personal cards. Perhaps its own subject.)
4. My daughter WILLA, and how much love is possible from a father:
Limitless so far...
5. Excercise and the need for me to pursue.
6. Mortality:
My facing of my mothers recent bypass surgery, and facing mortality as well as my potential legacy***
I put a star there as this is a promising topic!
7. The dogs- Arlo and Greta:
Misadventures of practice fatherhood
8. SEX!
I might share some juicy stuff that is stuck in my head.
9. The amazing cost of living as an adult.
I am guessing that America is closer to bankruptcy that anyone will ever publicly admit.
10. My Job:
At the risk of pulling back the curtain....

OK there is a top ten, time to put some organisation into this thought process, and see where the road takes us!

I have never had the impulse to blog. I have heeded the warnings that putting things online may result in unintended consequences. So, I will start with a short disclaimer. In the distant future, when I run for Congress or Chairman of the Board, someone may snoop this blog to find out if I have any ideas to exploit... I will say at the start that my opinions change as I grow both in spirit and in knowledge. What I may post here are my thoughts at the time of writing, this may not hold true as I continue in my education, but I will try and keep you abreast of my growth. That being said, I am not much of a flip-flopper, and my thoughts have some reason for being.

I do not know if there is a significance in beginning my blog journey on September 11th, five years after THE September 11th, but I know that there is a lot in my head this fall, and I feel the need to react to the world in a public way. PLease let me know your thoughts as you read these words dear reader, and let me know if I am making sense, or just blithering...

Tomorrow, my mother goes in for Surgery on her aortic anyerism, I will explore my feelings throughout the week. Today I am just numb with an overwhelming work-load, and the quiet hope that tomorrow does not end my 38 year relationship with my mother. Facing mortality is a heavy load with a newborn at home and a new marriage that needs my full attention. And to be completely dramatic, the world needs saving as well, and I need to determine my role in its salvation...