So we are in the slow season, or the fast season right now depending on your perspective. There is only four (?) weeks left until Christmas so only a couple of weeks of work until a well earned break. My boss left the company, so we are all a little in limbo right now waiting to see how the next few weeks will come out. I have let stress overwhelm me, and I am hoping that getting back to the office after a few days off for Thanksgiving will let me focus on the end of the year, and how to pull some of the pressure off for 2007.

It is a weird thing to go to the office to de-stress, but I know what needs doing here. At home lately, I feel a little helpless. My wife needs me to help curb her stress, and with the baby I don't feel like I get a lot of success. The truth is, when the baby needs comforting, she is looking for her mom for that special brand of soothing. I feel like the ogre that only causes more stress. The baby knows that I can't help her, so she only cries more until her mom comes to the rescue. How is that for useless. My kind of help is going to the kitchen and doing the dishes, or throwing another load of laundry in, or picking up food and bringing it home (yeah the stereotype of the hunter-gatherer).

I do wonder if these experiences are a common thread in why fathers "check out" in raising children. At work a man feels like he is somewhat in control and at least knows the rules of success. At home it seems like success in one area like helping his wife, is rewarded with a screaming baby that he cannot calm down. These are just thoughts, and not very organised at that...

It seems like the hardest thing about the writing process is controlling all of the braches on the tree of thoughts. You start somewhere and then a new thought occurs, and wants to pull yopu in a new direction, sorry dear readers if my writing is hard to follow, I know I tend to skip rapidly to and fro as my jumbled words get out. To one reader in particular, sorry to air my inner dialog when it is hard to read, know that I try everyday to find the best path and keep myself on it, my life is your life and our life is our family. I love you JT->APT